Twinings English Breakfast Tea. Third cup of water. Same tea bag. 4:53am Sunday morning. Baby just polished off 2 oz and is now asleep in her bouncy chair. 5am crosses into that grey area of do I go back to bed or do I start my day, so I chose to take advantage of the quiet in the house and get a few things done.
I’m inventing all kinds of things in my head that should be available to parents. Some real and quite marketable. Some are just expressions of a madwoman running on three hours of sleep.
The Diaper Gun. Combining Huggies wetness protection and the technology used in your average net launcher, there should be an easier way to diaper a squirmy child.
The Pacifier Magnet. To keep the pacifier in place, there has to be some way to attach a set of magnets…..one to the inside of the pacifier and one to the back of the baby’s head. Just kidding.
Formula/Milk wall dispenser. Just like an ice and water dispenser on the fridge door, there needs to be a warming unit that can be hung on a wall or placed on a counter with a tap to fill bottles. Always kept at the right temperature without the three minute wait time with the bottle heater.
Bottle Spider. Pops onto the bottom of any bottle with 8″ bendable rubber legs that can prop the bottle up over the baby or hang from your shoulder to temporarily free up a hand. Dishwasher safe.
Vacuum Seal Infant Sleeves. Place infant in neoprene poncho, attach suction hose. Perfect snug fit to any shape or size.
Fido-Off. Like an electric pet fence. Place proximity alerts on the bottom of child’s crib or playpen. Set range. Attach wireless chip to dog’s collar. Emits dog whistle tone or startle sound when dog comes close to forbidden area.
Mom Closet. Soundproof chamber that locks from the inside. Lavender scented. Can be upgraded to include massage chair and magazine rack. Completely invisible from the outside.
Also contemplating the commercial success of adding wine instead of water to a snow-cone machine……….