Bald Monkeys & Yellow Fish

Any day now, yellow fish will come flying out of the walls. There is a distinct possibility that they will be followed by bald monkeys, but no one really can be sure.

It happened once before, a long, long time ago, right around last Tuesday, or sometime before it. The baldness was a mistake. It wasn’t meant to happen, but the monkeys….well…. the monkeys were perfect otherwise. Until they started chasing the fish.  I mean, you can imagine the smell, but the droppings…. let’s just say the cleaning crew quit that night without so much a s a two weeks notice.
The fish weren’t just yellow, they had some orange and purple as well, so you couldn’t claim that the monkeys thought they were bananas and give them the benefit of the doubt – they just plain messed up. Who chases fish anymore, anyway? What the heck would you need them for to bother with such a messy pursuit? But there they went, across the living room, down the hall, out the front door, heading for the freeway on ramp. And they were going southbound! On top of it all, Southbound, even!  You would have to be really dysfunctional to chase fish southbound, we all know that.
On a positive note, there hasn’t been a single bald monkey / fish chase since. Which is kind of why I think it might happen soon….. there is only so long you can keep things like this bottled up. One day, you’ll be on the couch wondering pepperoni or mushroom or both, and the smell of saltwater will start seeping through the wallpaper. Then comes the flapping sounds of hundreds of fins against drywall. Finally, you’ll be lying on your back, on the phone to 911, while hundreds of fish make their way into the reality of your living space. As if this wasn’t enough, they are closely followed by as many as 60 bald monkeys.
If you have ever had one monkey in your living room, you know how bad this can be when caught unaware and without newspaper coverings. Multiply that by a full 60 and then add the fact that they are already pissed off about the baldness I won’t even go into. I think it is safe to say you’ll need to redecorate. Or better yet, move.
So there you have it. My prediction about your possible upcoming move and the circumstances surrounding it.
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