New Years Post: Yellow Alert

This is three minutes of my world at around 11:00PM on Christmas Eve. Maddi and I spent the night at my parents condo. Three adults starting to lose consciousness in the warm glow of Sprout’s “Snooze-a-thon” with Maddi going strong…. I’m concerned she might be part arc reactor.

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Latest Motherhood Fail: Yellow

So I get these emails (way too often) from the Gap, Baby Gap, Gap Kids, Gap Body, Land of Gap, The Gap That Took Over The World, The Gap That Ate Cincinnati, etc and they informed me that the winter trend for toddlers this year is Yellow. They sent a whole email about “How We Wear Yellow”. With outfit examples. Are you KIDDING ME?! Someone somewhere thought this was important enough to not only declare but send a friggin’ email about? And if this IS important on some planet I have yet to visit, how far off the chart am I, right? My “Winter Trend” is not having a breakdown while keeping my toddler alive. WTF?!

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Things I never thought I would say to another person

“I really didn’t need Orajel in my hair, but I appreciate the thought.”

“If you let me pee by myself just this one time, I’ll buy you a pony. No? Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?”

“I’m pretty sure that even though it fits up your nose it doesn’t actually belong there.”

“Please don’t drink the bath water.”

“You can’t play with my phone if you don’t stop picking fights with Siri.”

“Trust me. No one ever died from a diaper change.”

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Next Stop – Tatooine!

We are packing again and gearing up for our next stop – Tatooine (Mojave Desert)! This will be Maddi’s second residence and my seventeenth-ish to date. It will also mark my third time becoming a Californian from other parts of the US- so far I’ve defected from MA, TX and now FL to the Golden State. The desert will certainly prove an interesting change… I’m staying optimistic.

Tatooine
If it was good enough for Star Wars….

I’m learning to double check boxes before I seal them, as I found half eaten grapes in a box of office documents and part of an animal cookie in a kitchen box. Granted, it was a kitchen box, but still.

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bear demon

Scarred for Life

Maddi has this toy bear that talks and sings songs. I always thought it was pretty cute. Until about a month ago. At 3:00am I hear “I LOVE YOU” from the living room. Both Maddi and I are in bed, the house is quiet so I think I imagined it. Then I hear “HUG ME”…. as a product of the Chucky Generation, I knew what I had to do – seek and destroy. Creeping into the living room half afraid the bear would pounce out of the shadows to drink my blood and half afraid its screaming would wake Madison, I scan the darkness. Two feet to the right it screams “YOU”RE MY BEST FRIEND”. Yeah, almost peed myself. So here I am in the middle of the night crawling on my belly into Maddi’s ball tent digging as fast as I can under all the neon plastic balls looking for the stuffed demon. When I finally found the damn thing, I had to really think about it – do I just turn it off, or do I go the full measure and cut off its head….I was freaked enough to do some serious damage. I resolved to turn it off, remove the batteries and put it on a high shelf in my bedroom. A few weeks later Maddi spotted it and screamed bloody murder until I took it down. Now it is back in the living room and I am keeping a VERY close eye on it. And I never leave it in the “on” position.

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Story Hour

Moving steadily along in Harry Potter, we are signing up for the D.A.! Down with Umbridge!

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Happy New Years!!!!

Am I the only one that flashed on the Barbie that had the hair twister machine when Fergie was talking during the New Years Eve thing?

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Michaela Huffman says:

    I LOVE reading these blogs, somehow you manage to articulate everything that people think and never say. You truly have an amazing gift Juli. And I can relate to every one of them. Thank you for the smiles and belly laughs you bring to all of us.

  2. Bev Shanley says:

    I loved the video of Madi reading her book. I had a smile stretched on my face from ear to ear. She has grown so much and is so beautiful. Please keep writing your stories……they have been such a joy to read. I could relate to your talking toy because one year I bought a Toy Story cowboy doll for one of the grandkids and it woke my daughter up one night. Really spooked her. She tried putting it under clothes in the washing machine, in the closet and wherever she could think of…..she could still hear it. So out came the batteries and there was peace in the house once more. lol No more talking toys!!!!! 👼

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