22 Months – Are We There Yet?

Only 5843.88 days until she leaves for college. How many cups of coffee is that?

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There must be more than one sun in Ridgecrest.

Ridgecrest in the Spring

I suppose that they travel “Sand People Style” – always riding in single file to hide their numbers. Which would of course make sense, being here on Tatooine. I still like it here though. It is absolutely the strangest place I’ve ever lived, but I have this cute little desert hideout that would make Neil Young proud and my “pool” just crossed into the triple digits making it a hot tub (happy accident). There is an actual Starbucks (not just one of those grocery store carts that doesn’t even take a gift card) which gives the town some sense of civilization, but until they get a Trader Joe’s I’ll still be filling a cooler up with trail mix and Two-Buck Chuck in Ventura every couple of weekends.

Started looking into Montessori for Maddi, they have a great toddler program that I think she would enjoy. The downside is all the paperwork involved… I’m not sure if I am looking at an application for a school or buying a house. Double sided. 10 point font. I walk in with my electric lava orange hair, many tattoos and Maddi dressed up in a blue and purple tutu dress. Not sure I’ll be getting invited to the parent orientation night. Sigh.

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Busy month. Had my first mammogram. I guess I should call it my first “mamm_gram”. Give it a while, you’ll get it.

Also got another CA license. This is my third one so far, I keep leaving and coming back.  The Ridgecrest DMV is awesome. I was there about an hour all by myself. I failed the written test the first time around, so I had to sit there and study before I could retake it. Nice and quiet. Great place to bring a cup of coffee and a book. Loving this small town thing.

My parents came and stayed with us for three weeks. That is all I have to say about that. Santa is watching.

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The Deplorable Domestic – Part Two

My oven has this whole “pre-heat” sequence where it gets super serious about counting up to your desired temperature and then beeps when it is reaches that number. Who uses that? If I designed ovens, they would only have three evil scientist toggles across the top that were labeled “ON” , “OFF” and “TURBO”. Who couldn’t use a “TURBO” button, right?! Why don’t they have that?

The toaster oven only needs one toggle – “GO”. After that I just unplug it when I smell burning anyway.

Really, the only appliance in the kitchen that needs any kind of real brain power is the coffee maker. These are my requirements for the perfect coffee maker:

ALWAYS ON

ALWAYS FULL

It always surprises me how many things have to happen for those two basic needs to be met. I’m not asking for a vanilla-twist-frothy-cinnamon-dusted-half-cafe-supreme with an almond pineapple biscotti…. Just black coffee, always on and always full.  They have home delivery for every other crazy thing you can think of – why not coffee? I want a coffee tank installed between my water softener and hot water tank in the garage that gets filled every other morning by a guy that shows up with a gas truck full of coffee and complimentary donuts. I don’t actually want a donut, I just want someone to offer me one. And then I want a faucet installed on the sink that simply pours hot black coffee anytime I want it.  I don’t think this is too much to ask for. My DVDs are delivered, my water is delivered, my pizza is delivered…. am I the only one that needs this?

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Television – Mommy’s Little Helper

I already had 7 seasons of SpongeBob on DVD before I even knew I was pregnant with Maddi so I was more than prepared for the cartoon marathons (in fact I was actually looking forward to a Saturday Morning Cartoon snuggle buddy) – however – there are several she is addicted to that absolutely eat my brain.

Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse. They Might Be Giants does the theme song which normally would have made it an instant favorite of mine. Normally. Have you ever tried to get the song “Birdhouse In Your Soul” out of your head?!

TMBG employs some kind of dark-magic-trickery-audio-crack that etches their melodies into the interior of your skull with a Sharpie Laser. Not just a Sharpie – a Sharpie Laser. So combine that with a toddler screaming for a repeat of “MeeMowz” and you immediately have a problem in your household with brainwashing. I friggin wake up singing it. Something else about Mickey Mouse that truly over-toasts my muffin- All of their damn theme songs have the spelling of “mickey mouse” worked into their lyrics… what do you do to communicate something you don’t want a small child to understand? You spell. Craptastic song writing, thanks.

The Care Bears. I have a Bachelors of Science in Computer Animation so *at first*  I could get past the saccharin story lines by getting absorbed in the program’s textures and lighting. Before long, however, there was no amount of solar-flare-rainbow-sparkle-fairy-fart special effects that could cure my Cuteness Overload Headache. The show’s premise is that kids with issues spend the day playing with the Care Bears and then all of their problems are solved. The impact on an impressionable toddler is not so much about learning valuable social skills as it is building up an army of over-dramatic half sentence exclamations. Post-Care Bear outbursts will include multiple choruses of “Oh No!” and “I stuck!” when, of course, there are no captured unicorns or wishing wells to fall into requiring those responses. Grrrr.

Curious George.  Theme song by Dr. John. Narrated by William H. Macy (“I’m, uh, Jerry Lundegaard”.). That seems like it would be enough to hold it together for me. Wasn’t. Who lets a monkey work on a space station? Hurts to watch.

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I’m trying an experiment. I’ve completely neglected my Twitter account for many many moons and recently re-found it with all the marketing I’ve been doing for my new book. In 24 hours, I’ve had almost 200 new followers. I’m still not entirely sure why.  If you are on Twitter and dare to connect, my handle is @4jblack

On Facebook, I am at https://www.facebook.com/JulianneDiBlasiBlack

Been getting a ton of views but not a lot of comments – please connect with me! Crazy people need to stick together! Oh, and this is Batman  because some of you asked :) He was sitting in the backseat with his head on my shoulder in the front seat asking me “Are we there yet?!”

The Batman

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Bev Shanley says:

    Julie you Are a hoot and a half…..I could picture you at the school with Madi and your orange hair plus tattoos. I guess Mormons aren’t into that? Well shame on them…..if Madi does or get into this,school they are losing a wonderful imaginative child and an awesomely talented mom. Let us know when she starts!!!!! Maybe its rime to get some Veggie Tales Videos……learning videos along with more music than you can stand!! lol I still near those little crazy songs in my head after 20 years! Have fun!!!!

    1. Thank you!! Finally got the app all filled out – I’ll keep you posted :)

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