Survived another week and wanted to post a quick thought about the ….
Things I learned this week
Resist the urge to swap out your nose ring after chopping jalapeños.
Don’t hand the baby your wallet as a distraction tool while leaving the grocery store on a windy day.
Double check that you have your military ID before driving up to the base gate. This one deserves some explanation…
I’ll set the scene: It is 95 degrees on a dusty sun-scorched road at the corner of NO and WHERE. While bumping along in the jeep late for our appointment, I pulled out my ID and placed it on the passenger seat prior to driving up to the base gate to save time looking for it when asked. When I reach the guard, I realize the ID is gone. I hand the guard my license hoping and praying it will double as Psychic Paper. He asks nicely for a better form of identification. Funny, because my military ID would have worked great here. I calmly explain that I “just had it” getting the impression that he has heard that song before. I ask if it is ok that I pull over and look for it (and as if on cue, Maddi starts to fuss). He agrees. And then he calls for backup.
I hate that moment you realize something was a bad idea. Like when you think you’ll save time if you don’t take your sneakers off and simply force them through the pant legs of your new jeans of choice. Not only will it take longer, but you now have freakin’ gravel in your pant legs. Being proactive is bad.
Next scene: I’m on the side of the road hanging upside down in the passenger seat tearing out the carpet under the seats and screaming verse after verse of “Wheels On The Bus” to a cranky hot baby while the jeep is surrounded by MPs mentally cursing my existence and ducking each time I shift position and my combat boot covered foot goes accidentally flinging out a random window.
15 long minutes later: They take pity on me (I suspect they got tired of the Wheels on the Bus) and let me go on my way. But not without following me to the appointment. Thankfully I was not the droid they were looking for, but I do believe they might open fire the next time they see me at the gate.
This weekend my big plans are to try to convince the Diaper Genie to actually grant wishes… The name really confuses me – what was it about dirty diapers that reminded the manufacturer of freeing a magical being from an antique oil lamp? The only thing I see being released in this particular situation is a smell that could easily burn your eyebrows off.