Toddlers Can’t Fly – and other bits of useful knowledge

Swim shorts make great hatsI’m standing at the kitchen island with my laptop. From here I can supervise the chaos that is my daily existence but still have a solid object to duck behind.

The last two weeks were crazy. Our first trip to Urgent Care. Aside from the bumpers around the base of the crib so she doesn’t whack her head, additionally needed was this netting stuff that keeps her from getting arms and legs stuck through the bars in the middle of the night. Yes, this was necessary – she thrashes in her sleep like a beached dolphin. Well… long story short is that the netting makes an awesome rope ladder. And, unfortunately, toddlers do not fly. They don’t even bounce all that well.

This particular combination resulted in a nice head-first drop onto a tile floor. Urgent care was empty and the staff was amazing, but they kept asking me crazy stupid questions like “what is your name” and “what is the baby’s date of birth”…. I’m physically shaking, holding a screaming baby and trying to remember my phone number for their paperwork while staring transfixed at a plastic ballpoint pen topped with a ridiculous silk flower that refuses to answer their questions  for me. All I can orally communicate is “fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it” and they don’t find that helpful.

The doctor’s official diagnosis was “Bump On Head” with acute “Psychotic First-Time Mother” and they sent us home with paperwork. Once Maddi was calmed down and Tylenol administered I start to read this stack of papers they sent me home with…

“Call your doctor if MADISON does not get better. Call sooner if MADSON feels worse. You can reach the doctor by calling their office or clinic phone number. GO TO THE ER IF CHANGES IN MENTAL STATUS OCCUR” She’s two, her mental status changes by the minute.

It goes on to state:

“HEAD INJURY. You’ve had a head injury. Your skull and/or brain were effected” Like I didn’t feel bad enough.

Call your doctor if MADISON: (remember, they just treated a 22 month old)

  • Has problems talking
  • Loses his or her balance or has trouble walking
  • Has trouble thinking clearly
  • Cannot state his or her name, location or day of the week
  • Has decreased concentration
  • Has difficulty in relationships with other people
  • Increased susceptibility to alcohol (becoming intoxicated more easily)

If you notice any of these symptoms over the next year, talk with your doctor. 

They had to kill a tree for these pearls of wisdom.

Discharge Instructions: You and MADISON are the most important factor in MADISON’s recovery. And then three pages of car seat safety tips. However inapplicable, at least those were age-appropriate.

And so the crib gets converted into a daybed and the next round begins. DING!

 


In Other News

Maddi’s first full sentence: “What are you eating, Mama?” Can’t wait to add that into her baby book.

The biggest number is always ten. As in: one..two..three..four..five…six…seven..eight..nine..TEN!!! eleven… twelve…thirteen…fourteen…fifteen…sixteen…seventeen… eighteen…nineteen….twenty…. TEN!!! [Much clapping]

“woowoos” are apparently noodles. I didn’t get this fast enough and almost got my head kicked in. Then I couldn’t cook them fast enough and heard from her lawyer that I was fired. I already feel bad for her future minions.

I did learn one cool trick though.. when she gets fixated on something she isn’t supposed to touch (hot stove, permanent markers, the dog’s corneas…) I break into a dramatic theatrical production of “If your happy and you know it” and start with “clap your hands”. She can’t not stop what she is doing to clap her hands. Works every time. For now.


 

Planning our next trip and will attempt to use Southwest this time…. I’m sure you’ll hear about it. If you want to learn all about how Delta treats toddlers flying First Class check out this post. If you are planning on flying Delta this summer, may the Force be with you.

 

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Joshua Black says:

    Maddi is doing great and her bumps and bruises are healing nicely. As parents, we are coping with our PTSD and looking forward (with mild hesitation) at some adventurous new firsts in the coming weeks.

  2. Bev Shanley says:

    I firmly believe that to be sure there wasn’t a concussion that they , should have asked her if,she knew what day it was and who the lresident of the USA was. I should have been a doctor!

  3. Staci Ruddy says:

    I love these posts so much! Woowoo in our house was Christmas lights. I guess “toddler” is not a universal language LOL

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